(What) Should Have Been (Mine)
by Katie.Madison
Summary: Sasuke and Naruto are both so satisfied with their lives; the choices they made, the beautiful wives waiting for them in their beds, the children they raised with care and attention! It's not like Sasuke climbs into Naruto's hotel room after his diplomatic meetings as Hokage, so that they can fuck each other senseless and wonder why it turned out like this, right? RIGHT?
1. Scar Lines

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own any part of Naruto and it's affiliates, nor am I making any money off of this work!_

 _ **A/N:** Okay so this is more than a little angsty, and also more than a little explicit. Actually, this might be the porniest damn mess I've ever penned. Holy moly. Can be read as canon-compliant, if you can imagine the canon boys roasting each other's wives (just a little) and a lot more secretly troubled. But you have to understand, I love Hinata and Sakura too, check out my page, I have pro-Hinata and pro-Sakura works! They just tend to feature them as working women in satisfying careers with satisfying love interests... (Sakura as the head of hospital, her girlfriend, Ino, as the head of clinical psychology and trauma outreach, and Hinata as an advocate for increased equality and transparency within clans and government bureaucracies.)_

 _I've actually been bouncing this idea around in my head for a long time, I'm really happy to be able to finally share it with you._

 _Also, this is very Bottom!Naruto story for all your bottom!Naruto needs (although I am a huge fan of top!Naruto too. If you'd like, check out my other piece 'Who's On Top?' for a funny, sweet take on the top/bottom wars, I'd appreciate it!)_

 _But for now, please Enjoy this! Love ~K.M._

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 **(What) Should Have Been (Mine)**

It wasn't until he was standing directly behind Naruto; close enough to feel the ends of his blond hair tickle his nose and cheeks, that he was acknowledged. Raising an eyebrow in an uncharacteristically skeptic expression, the Seventh Hokage of Konoha spread his arms wide open, turning around to take in the sight of his 'dear old friend;' stalking him like some kind of predator ever since he had exited Gaara's office.

(The Kages had had a meeting about changing bird migration patterns affecting trade growth in lumber. Or something.

Naturally, Naruto had already forgotten.)

Being Hokage sure wasn't anything like what they sold it to be.

"Right! Let's get this over with," Naruto said, still-boyish voice a sad parody of the lively tone he had once used to greet the man before him with.

His stalker merely grunted under his breathe; immediately backing Naruto up against the door of his room, hand clutched in the stiff white fabric of his Hokage coat. It crumpled and creased under the pressure of his force (and Naruto could already imagine the face Hinata would make when she saw) as he pressed Naruto into the ornate oak door of the presidential suite Gaara had made for him to use during his visits.

The wood splintered and Naruto felt rough pieces prick up against his back; but he didn't flinch, he merely glanced down at the hand holding him with a blank look.

Was there any real need to crush him like this? Did the man before him think that he would escape at the slightest sign of his letting up?

Naruto sighed and encircled his hand around the arm holding him captive, squeezing tightly in warning because the hinges of the damn door were starting to bend out of shape and that would definitely alert the rest of his ANBU entourage, but letting go immediately. Because no matter how fleeting, Naruto would always feel a pang in his chest - seeing that pale hand covered by his own; and he couldn't afford that, so he ignored it and let go.

 _But there had been a time when he had held that hand tight in his own; kissed his way down each knuckle, every purple vein. After so many years chasing and dreaming about him, he had so desperately wanted to never let him go; to hold his hand forever, keep it warm and close to his chest._

 _And he had believed that he could, in that single-minded way that defined his youth._

 _His hand had been through so much and it showed. Naruto was so jealous because it wore the memories of his life; deep scars from poisoned knives that he had couldn't dodge, a patch of skin that had never grown back right after it was burned clean off from an improperly performed last-resort fireball technique during their fight against Haku..._

 _Naruto's own skin was always smooth and even, completely at ends with his life. Through their teen years, Sakura had scowled at him because he had never even had a pimple; let alone a physical reminder on his body of a time that he had survived, fought... or loved..._

Even now, he had one perfectly unblemished arm, and one prosthetic. (His skin would forever be unblemished, like this man had never even touched him, let alone ripped his heart to shreds.)

Naruto silently sighed and stared up at the ceiling; painted with some modern art work. He couldn't tell what the heck any of it was, and tried to imagine what Sai would say about it.

Until abruptly, he was shoved even harder, and then there was an audible creak; the sound of one of the hinges snapping clean out of place. Luckily, it wasn't that loud; the mechanism was well-oiled and maintained, and Naruto could also sense the other's familiar chakra permeating the air around them in a genjutsu; no doubt muffling the sounds inside the room from any prying external observers.

He suddenly felt a little like laughing, looking at that hand cruelly contorted into a violent fist; because some ridiculous fucking part of him still loved the heat from that hand, and the asshole of a man attached to it.

His touch, his very presence; it made Naruto experience some unnameable pressure behind him eyes; sadness? bemusement? existential dread? Whatever it was, he closed his eyes against it and imagined that he was somewhere else and away from it.

 _Imagined happier times spent rolling around in their bed. (Secretly, after the war, when everyone was too busy to follow them too carefully.)_

 _When Naruto had loved sucking on the fingers of that pale, scarred hand; first taking care to dip his tongue into all its grooves, with special attention given to the sensitive burn scar, then hollowing his cheeks and sucking till he felt them press against the back of his throat. He would rub his tongue against the salty pads of his fingertips, moaning low and long until he was finally given what he wanted; thrusting fingers in and out of his mouth - but always so gentle, like Naruto would suddenly break now after all that they had been through._

 _But it had felt like his way of trying to cherish Naruto, and so it made his heart race. The deep look in his dark eyes, the feeling of his fingers speeding up just a little as he lost control, getting just a little rougher like he couldn't help himself when he saw him; it made Naruto so horny that he could do nothing but ache in anticipation for how those long fingers would pleasure him next, touch him next._

Naruto startled out of his thoughts, yet again, when he heard an abrupt, condescending scoff and cruel laughter. He sighed and wondered why he could never just do what he wanted and leave; at least that way he could zone out and think of something else, be no worse for the wear than a back ache... But he was the kind that always had to cause a damn, dramatic scene. Wordlessly, Naruto looked up to see his dark eyes examining the door behind him.

Its surface was engraved with intricate designs and painstakingly preserved in freshly varnished shiny glaze; beautiful and elegant, certainly nothing to scoff and laugh at.

Naruto didn't understand the interest, and rolled his eyes.

However, the man who kept glaring and glaring and glaring at the door began to feel bile rise in the back of his throat; because he couldn't help but think about how if that fool, Gaara, had had his way - this door would have been especially re-varnished in eager anticipation of his beloved 'friend,' the 'Hokage's' esteemed visit.

Like Naruto was the sort of person who'd notice something like that.

That; or the fucking modern art on the ceilings.

Naruto didn't even know how to care about shit like that. What a damn joke.

He met Naruto's confused gaze, blue eyes as piercing and sparkling as they ever were, and felt his mouth sting with an acidic twinge; heavy and hot on his tongue like the burning gaze of every person who had eyes for - more like mooned over - the charming man before him; him and his damned blue eyes.

They didn't know anything about Naruto; didn't have the _right_ to his love; though this moron would give it away freely all the same.

He released the white Hokage coat to grab hold of Naruto's jaw instead, yanking it down and open. Naruto hissed in pain at the rough treatment, but was soon silenced by the invasion of a tongue into his mouth, lips kissing and moving with bruising, punishing force. But eventually, Naruto kissed back; the familiarity of the way he moved against him was enough for him to focus on; fantasize about in a different context, even.

But suddenly, he tasted acrid bile; hot, and disgusting, and flooding into his mouth from his too-insistent tongue.

Naruto started to gag from the taste; wrenching his head to the side. He tried to vomit; but nothing came out of his mouth.

He watched Naruto impassively until he straightened back up. Only to reach out and grab him by his left shoulder; shoving his body face first into the mattress. Naruto, rolled over and breathed heavily, mouth still slick from the kisses, and his futile efforts in trying to get rid of his acidic taste.

He let the ' _Hokage_ ' lie there quietly for the next few minutes, not needing him to do anything. He ripped off the gaudy white coat - proclaiming leadership but covering deception - and was only slightly more gentle with his vest, pants and shirt. It took him some time with only one hand, and his mind soon began to flood with a faraway memory of Naruto eagerly undressing himself for him the first time that they had done this.

 _His hands had trembled just a little when he hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his orange trousers, fly already undone, revealing a sliver of his (awful, not fucking charming at all, fish cake-printed) boxers. Naruto boxers on Naruto; it had been so ridiculously stupid, but he was so in love with him that it made him smile despite himself._

 _And he had sounded so sinful; moaning as he pushed the fabric down over his slim hips, breath hitching when his movements caused friction against the sensitive curve of his erection, already dampening his underwear with precum, biting down on the tempting flesh of his lower lip until he finally got them down around his knees._

 _He hadn't been able to just watch the show any longer; had dug his fingers into those stupidly patterned boxers and pulled them down to join his pants, salivating at the sight of Naruto's exposed cock, already flushed and hard, pressed against his belly with desire. It began twitching and leaking even more heavily as Naruto squirmed and panted under his gaze. His hand curled his hand around his length and stroked him, reverently._

 _Because he had never thought he would get to see Naruto like this; warm and wanting - wanting him. It had seemed ridiculous, because why would someone as good as Naruto want someone like him? He was loyal, kind, and forgiving; too forgiving and self-sacrificing to comprehend. Perhaps better suited to someone as perfect as Itachi rather than him._

 _He had believed that he didn't deserve Naruto - never would, no matter what he did - but he had eagerly touched him anyways, pressing kisses and sucking dark marks into the outstretched skin of his neck; his head thrown back in pleasure as he worked his hand over him, drinking in the sweet sounds of his ecstasy as Naruto came._

 _The taste of his skin lingering on his lips; with the audacity of tasting like home._

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 ** _A/N:_** Wow! Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to read this first chapter of my new story. Please stay tuned for more updates; I should be updating every Monday night (to alleviate those Monday blues) but I don't expect the story to go all that long. I have an idea of where I would like it to lead, and how I want to get there.

I appreciate your support so much, in views, favourites, and follows; though I would be especially honored to receive your thoughts about the material. Much love! ~ K.M.


	2. Family Man

**A/N** : _Hello, all of my lovely readers. I am so pleased that so many of you were interested in this story, even though it is more than a little angsty. Normally, I don't write this kind of content, to be honest, but what can I say? This is what Boruto does to a person..._

 _All I can say is that I hope you enjoy reading this, and find it a little cathartic. Thank you so much for your reviews, favs and follows. Special shout out to Kasumi008 and Ratana Channeasa for their reviews._

 _Kasumi008: Thank you for your support! I don't tend not to worry too much about flames like that, either. Constructive criticism, bring it on - but random nonsense? I'll pass. Especially from someone who claims that I'm 'anti-Sakira.' Yikes, if you're such a big fan then shouldn't you at least spell her name right? (And also want more for her life other than being a single mom?) But that's none of my business!_

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 **(What) Should Have Been (Mine)**

"Sasuke- _kun_ , turn your sharingan on and take a picture; it'll last longer," Naruto deadpanned.

He looked strange, not having moved to more comfortably re-position himself after being stripped of his clothes. His position vaguely reminded Sasuke of one of Sasori's creepy lifeless dolls. In that pose and speaking in that flat voice; he barely seemed like Naruto at all.

'Sasuke-kun' snorted, looking down at the blond patronizingly, "Why?" He continued, trailing a hand down the side of his torso, pinching at some superficial fat between his thumb and forefinger, "You haven't been taking care of your self; hardly in your best shape for me to memorize... It's probably all that time spent in the office doing nothing of any fucking _value_ making you flabby?"

Naruto scoffed, and harshly shoved Sasuke's hand off of him; rolling his eyes before lying back.

Today, Naruto wore plain navy boxers, and they had Sasuke raising an eyebrow. Because even though he liked the color, it irritated him to no end to see Naruto wearing it. It didn't suit any part of him - his tan skin, his cerulean eyes, or his bright blond hair. Hinata had probably bought them because she thought they were 'respectable' or some shit.

Disgusting.

Sasuke ripped them off of his body with no aplomb, just like he had done with his stupid coat, throwing them away more violently than the other clothes.

Naruto rolled his eyes again, no doubt calling him moody in his head, and Sasuke scowled; not because he was being mocked, but because Naruto never used to roll his eyes. It looked like he had picked that cynical gesture up from Boruto; and it also didn't suit him.

Naruto's face was made for smiling, after all.

But whatever. Didn't matter if Naruto rolled his eyes now, or called him names in his head, or if his fraudulent life as a 'family man' had changed him. If Sasuke were still trying to act in a way to impress Naruto, or trying to convince him not to be with Hinata any longer; then he would have been on his knees begging for forgiveness.

But he wasn't. Because what Naruto thought of him at this point hardly mattered anyways; it wouldn't change anything.

They had made their choices.

Sasuke crawled over the other's body and pushed his legs apart with his knees, situating himself between them. Naruto was half-hard already, though going by the familiarly tell-tale flush of arousal across his neck, and the way he was biting his lips, he would be fully erect in no time.

"Up," Sasuke said, tapping one of Naruto's thighs with the back of his hand. The man sighed but lifted his legs up anyways, hooking his arms under his knees and pulling them against his chest.

Despite the other's lack-luster movements, Sasuke felt himself get stupidly hard at Naruto's position anyways. His dark eyes roved over his legs; the muscles shifting under warmly tanned skinned, still firm and strong (though Sasuke hadn't been kidding about how this moron never went outside, or did anything meaningful anymore; yes, he looked good, but he used to look so much better; with longer, thicker hair, tanner, healthier skin and a more muscular figure). Still, Sasuke watched as his chest rose and fell in quickening pace, his nipples hard, dark, and just as tempting as ever. He lowered himself down to take one into his mouth; licking and sucking, worrying it between his teeth, before moving on to the other; pulling off only when Naruto tried to inconspicuously reach down and stroke himself in tandem with his movements.

He was completely hard now, as expected; Sasuke knew that Naruto had always enjoyed when his nipples were played with, so sensitive and embarrassed at the attention. His cock curved upwards, wet and shining, but not leaking just yet; although his balls looked heavy and full enough to burst. He moved his hand down to cup them, rolling them each in his hand before pulling them up so he could stare at Naruto's entrance; and his own middle finger sliding down and brushing up against his hole; so hot, tight, and fluttering delicately against the slight pressure of his touch.

"Oh, nnh," was all the sound Naruto made, but Sasuke burned with want at his voice. He reached into his pocket and pulled out some lubricant, quickly popping the lid, and sloppily squeezing the substance all over Naruto's cock and thighs. He gave his length a few quick strokes, smiling when Naruto's semen began to collect at the tip; then running his slick fingers back over his balls, briefly massaging them in turn. Finally, he trailed them back down to Naruto's entrance, rubbing all four of his wet fingers back and forth against his opening; messily spreading the lubricant against his heated skin.

He watched carefully for Naruto's expressions. He looked a little uncomfortable at first, always had, but after a few moments, Naruto's eyebrows furrowed and he began licking his lips; and Sasuke's middle finger began catching on the rim of his hole as he opened up for him. It made Sasuke grin and lick his lips. Whether he would verbally admit to it or not, Naruto's body was always so cutely honest, belaying just how much it wanted Sasuke cock, after being stroked and teased by his fingers for so long; and really, it was too good.

Too good?

 _"Ah, ah, Sasuke, you're such a fucking sadist," Naruto yelled, reaching down between his own legs, grabbing hold of Sasuke's wrist, and pressing it down so his forefinger pressed hard into his entrance, a much heavier pressure than Sasuke had originally been using, but still not nearly enough. "Ah! Just do it already! I'm ready-, I'm so so ready!" he begged. His blue eyes fluttered when the tip of Sasuke's digit finally penetrated him satisfactorily, brushing the tense walls inside him._

 _His hips bucked up to pull it in further and Sasuke felt his cock leak at the sight; Naruto so sweetly desperate to be filled, fucked, from just how much he wanted to be Sasuke's. God, he was so perfect._

 _"M-More, more, want you all in me," he had whined in a dazed voice; his hips still rolling and bucking, trying to suck the lone finger in deeper than it could go. And when it left him unsatisfied and nowhere full enough, he pouted and blushed pink. Sasuke could have cum right there, but he focused, gently pressed another finger into his lover; but he still didn't touch his own cock where it lay, leaking and hard and flushed red against Naruto's knee. And then another finger._

 _Naruto leaned up, and pulled his head down, gripping his hair tight enough to burn, "Come on, come on, come on; I'm going to die here, put it in, Sasuke! Want you in me, please!" he begged, tears starting to dot at his eyes in frustration._

 _"No," Sasuke had insisted, and although he didn't move out of the other's painful grip, he didn't relent either. "We have to prepare more or it'll hurt. I'm not going to let it hurt; not ever, but especially not tonight, our first night going all the way... you impatient usuratonkachi."_

 _Naruto shook his head, and whined, "Sasuke! Nnhh! I'll just, ah, ah, ah! I'll just-, you know I'll heal anyways!? Right? It's fine, so just put it in! If you're trying to make sure that I'm okay, then here is my confirmation that I'm okay! Ah! Sasuke, please, need you so bad..."_

 _But Sasuke just leaned forward, and continued opening him up with just his fingers and even more lubricant, "What kind of reason is that? Just because you'll heal anyways, it doesn't matter if it hurts?... I don't ever want to hear that shit from you." But he did speed up, thrusting his three fingers in and out of him, massaging into his prostate, stretching him wider._

 _"I'm going to cum, ah! I'm so close!" Naruto started crying in earnest, the gathered tears spilling over his cheeks, along with his cum - spurting hot and sticky across his chest. He dug his nails into Sasuke's upper arms, clenching them hard enough to bleed; couldn't help it._

 _"Sasuke, I came... Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke..." he chanted, eyes squeezed together. "Felt good, but wanted you, want you... Need you." His heaving chest covered in stripes of own seed, panting so hard; Naruto looked absolutely wrecked, but he still reached down and took Sasuke's length in his hands, pumping it slowly and trying to bring it closer to his twitching entrance._

 _"It's okay, I'll hold you the whole night... I'm going to make you feel so good. Won't hurt at all; it'll be so good, finally..." Sasuke rambled in an uncharacteristic wave of incoherence; kissing Naruto's eyelids, his cheeks, his lips. He was at his limit too, wanted to put it in too; but if it was for Naruto, he could wait - like Naruto had waited for him. He loved this brash dobe so much after all; was going to cherish him forever._

FUCK.

Fuck! Where had that even come from? It didn't even feel like it was in the past; felt... way too fucking close.

Shaking his head, Sasuke tried not to get too worked up over it; that was a long time ago, after all.

Instead, he pushed his middle finger into Naruto in a perfunctory rush, mechanically feeling around and pressing against his inner walls to spread the lubricant. He blandly pushed his finger back in a few more times with more and more of the sticky solution until his finger felt like it was going to prune from the wetness. He drew his middle finger out and pressed that and his forefinger to his entrance. After a few half thrusts, Sasuke sank his fingers all the way in and began to scissor him, pressing hard up against his prostrate.

"Pull out, pull out, I'm going to cum-, fucking listen!" Naruto warned him, pushing at his shoulders; hard, but not hard enough to actually dislodge him. Naruto wouldn't say it out loud, but he hadn't done anything sexual, even masturbated, in months; so he was way too sensitive. But Sasuke didn't particularly care if he was already close, and didn't stop. Regardless if Naruto came now or later, once or many times, Sasuke would still fuck him to his own satisfaction; nothing more and nothing less, so he continued to work him open with his hand.

Sasuke coated his ring-finger (empty, he had never even bought a ring, for God's sake) as well, and finger-fucked him on all three digits. If he being honest with himself (which he never was these days) he was still half-wrapped up in his old memory; remembering how Naruto had wanted him so much, had cum so hard on his fingers that he was half delirious, but still couldn't stop thinking about how much he wanted Sasuke.

Was the person in his memory really the man he saw before him now?

Regardless of his protests; unconsciously, Naruto started lifting his hips up to meet his thrusts - his body blindly seeking pleasure, instead of trying to hold out for when they finally fucked.

Although (of course) Naruto wouldn't admit that he actually wanted Sasuke to fuck him anymore.

Hadn't said anything even resembling the sentiment in a long, long time.

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 **A/N:** Thank you so much for reading this latest chapter. I hope you enjoyed it, in all its angst. If you did, please let me know with a fav, follow or comment, and if you didn't, I'd be open to constructive criticism too! Take care of yourselves until next time.

Love, K.M.


	3. Promises Made

_**A/N:** Hello! Thank you so much for all of your support last chapter; I was ecstatic to see how many views, follows favourites and comments I received ~ I am glad that this story is doing its job of generating some troubling thoughts and nervous excitement for what is to come. I understand that the nature of the content may not be to everyone's tastes, but I appreciate you all for coming with me on this journey all the same. Hopefully, you will be able to enjoy something from this chapter as well; though it might be one of the most angsty ones yet, no sweet reflective scene to counter balance._

 _Sorry for the late update! It suddenly got super cold where I live and I got the worst headache from all the atmospheric changes... Take care of yourselves~_

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 **(What) Should Have Been (Mine)**

It wouldn't have taken Naruto very long to cum just like that; being worked open on Sasuke's fingers always got him moaning and trembling; when he obviously had a thing for his hand, and the scarred skin of his fingers - but still, Sasuke leaned down and sucked the head of Naruto's cock into his mouth anyways; licking him across the slit in tandem as he pressed up hard against his prostate in added stimulation.

It was a selfish act more than for Naruto's sake, because Sasuke always loved to drink down the other man's cum, taste the salt of his seed; hot and spurting across his tongue. He always tasted so good, maybe a little sweeter now that Hinata made him eat fruits and her home cooking instead of ramen, but still full of same thick pheromones that drew people to him like moths to light - nobody (including himself) excepted.

Sasuke smirked a little as he grazed his teeth against the thick pulsating vein on the underside of his length.

Nobody excepted from being attracted, yes; but how many people attracted Naruto back the same way?

Had the pleasure of seeing him in this way?

Naruto's eyes were squeezed shut until then; had been since Sasuke's first finger had started preparing him, but they flew open at the feeling of Sasuke mouthing at his cock. He didn't say anything, but slowly lowered his legs down, placing the soles of his feet flat on the mattress, and gripping his hands in Sasuke's straight blue-black hair as he blew him; making eye contact when he pulled back and squeezed the base of his length.

Naruto had initially wanted to pull the other man off of him completely- he was way too close from the combined stimulation, how was he going to last, wouldn't he ever fucking listen? - but he found he couldn't. He felt his own hips rock forward, and a traitorous moan bubble out of his throat. The bundle of heat that had been building up inside of him swelled up and flowed over; through his cock, filling his abdomen, and radiating up his arms and legs - his toes curled, and his fingers dug into Sasuke's shoulders.

His vision spotted white.

"Don't worry," Sasuke said, after releasing Naruto's cock and swallowing his cum; making sure to neatly wipe the corners of his mouth with the fingers he had just pulled out of Naruto's entrance, "It's not over. I'll get you hard again... I'm thinking tonight's going to be a long night."

Naruto sighed, throwing his arm over his eyes.

It wasn't that he couldn't cum multiple times; he could. But if he could read the look in Sasuke's - and when couldn't he? - then he was sure that tonight would be the kind of night where Naruto wouldn't be able to stop thinking about how it was only ever Sasuke that made him cum until he was completely satisfied. And then some.

Which is why he was always trying to quicken their pace; if he could just Sasuke to fuck him and leave...

Then maybe it wouldn't highlight how fucked up they were.

How fucked up and made for each other...

 _Hinata was usually panting and wet for him after a few short minutes of foreplay stimulation; after which she would sweetly lay on her back, or prop herself up on her knees - completely passive to however Naruto wanted to fuck her that night. Or sometimes she blew him; but it was less her 'blowing him' than her parting her lips and taking Naruto into her mouth, letting him face-fuck her until he came. And she always let him cum wherever he wanted - painting his seed all over his face, breasts, whatever - because she felt bad that she hated swallowing._

 _But that didn't matter; it's not like Naruto cared if she thought he tasted bad... It was seeing her laying there; ready with a pre-programmed moan for when Naruto finally ejaculated that ruined it. It made his orgasm feel hollow and dirty in the truest sense, like he had used a blow-up doll; not a human partner who had their own wants and desires._

 _And Naruto knew that it wasn't 'bad sex' by anyone else's standards; knew that many men would be ecstatic to have such a willing and submissive wife who let their husband do whatever he wanted - and with large boobs. He knew this, and always tried to be a good lover to Hinata, making sure that she came several times, but one orgasm was all he could manage when he was with her._

 _Or with Sakura for that matter; on the rare nights when Sasuke delivered him intel, and some kind of half-assed message like 'sorry,' or 'regards' to go deliver his child's mother. 'Uchiha Sakura' would invite Naruto into the 'Uchiha' bed - the sheets smelling more like the two of them then any real Uchiha at that point- and pull off her clothes, saying, 'I'm tired of waiting, Naruto.'_

 _And since Naruto's feelings for her had been genuinely real (at some point in the past, though he can't remember when or why), he fucks her too._

 _And Sakura is always so desperate for approval... Sure, she takes more initiative, tells him how and what she wants, moaning and sighing like crazy - but it's to the extent where Naruto feels more concerned than flattered. Plus, he recognizes it all; the glassy look in her eyes, the way she keeps saying that she feels good, keeps asking him if he feels good, keeps asking if she's making him feel good, if she herself is good - for the emptiness that it is._

 _He feels bad, but Sakura had had such a good, easy life with parents and love and friends; it felt to him like her sadness was a ridiculous choice; and it was not a realization that left him wanting more sex._

 _The whole thing was like a bad joke; or the set-up of one of Jiriaya's porn books . He 'technically' had Sakura, the girl he always liked, and Hinata, the girl who everyone praised as the perfect girl; both wet enough to prune his dick; whenever he so much as walked past them. And for what?_

 _Naruto could get it up intermittently of course; he was a healthy man, and every once in a while all he needed to spring one up was the thought of friendly companionship;... a kind body that held him close like he'd been denied his whole life. But once the after-effects of what he had done settled into his skin; where was the time to talk about sexual satisfaction when he was barely keeping self-loathing at bay?_

Forget about going until he was satisfied; it was a miracle he wasn't constantly running to the bathroom and trying to scrub himself clean.

Sasuke reached down to undo the fastenings of his own pants, pushing the fabric out of the way to give his neglected cock a few slow strokes. The slick sounds as he masturbated made Naruto want to look, but he managed to blandly meet Sasuke's eyes with an uninterested 'get on with it' look instead. Sasuke only smirked and stroked himself faster, until his cock was red and leaking; and Naruto's mouth couldn't help but water at the sight of the precum collecting at the tip of his cock, couldn't help think about how good it would feel flowing down his throat, filling him up so full, leaking out of him in sticky dribbles...

Naruto felt his legs shift and loosen unconsciously, and Sasuke had to hold himself back from leering.

"Naruto, you've probably been unsatisfied, right? Even though you fuck Hinata and Sakura; since she's probably begged you for it too in some moronic way to make me jealous, I'll bet..." he taunted, not sounding even the slightest bit upset; although Naruto had expected that he wouldn't care.

Still, he couldn't help but snort as Sasuke just kept speaking, "It's okay," he continued, "I'll make you cum properly until you're dry... And don't worry, if you pass out, I promise I won't fuck you again until you're at least semi-conscious again..."

And then suddenly, Sasuke stopped touching himself and leaned down until their faces were inches apart, "Otherwise, where's the fun, right?" He mocked, voice low and cold, "It's not fun fucking some whimpering semi-person with half a personality, too dazed to do much of anything other than stutter, and lay there with their legs spread like a good submissive fuck-toy for Naruto-kun."

Then Sasuke put on an exaggeratedly confused face, "Wouldn't that feel like bestiality or necrophilia to fuck someone like that?... To fuck someone too pathetic to get a job despite being qualified, or someone too selfish to keep their familial promises, or someone too demure to act like a full person and not some porno-parody of a woman when you fuck?"

Naruto felt one of his eyes twitch, but Sasuke wasn't done yet, "And it's not even about having a cock, or a vagina, or using certain positions or whatever; you're not gay, you're bisexual, right? You could have been satisfied with a woman; just not one like that."

Sasuke smiled his most handsome smile, and pushed his sweaty bangs out of his face, "Ah man, and what was the name of the cousin? Neji, right? I'm sure he died just so she could fucking marry out of the family and never do anything about that seal, right? So she could just lay there under you, have passionless sex with the boy who broke his promise to change the Hyuuga clan, right, Hokage-sama?"

Naruto grit his teeth; thinking back to the agreement that he signed with the Hyuugas after Sasuke (and then Sakura) had left the village.

 _In return for their support of his Hokage ascension, and usage of all the substantial political clout the Hyuugas had in other countries as well; Naruto had been 'asked' not to pry into their 'affairs.' Hiashi had simply explained to him that it was just the way that things were; and his own father, Minato, and even Kakashi-sensei, had acquiesced without problem - so he should too._

 _Of course, Naruto had protested at first; he was not Kakashi sensei or his father, he had made promises to Neji and wouldn't go back on his word because that was his ninja way._

 _And Naruto was a man who had suffered prejudices far greater than his sensei or father could ever imagine; how could he agree to continue branding good people with seals that would mark them as lesser? Seals that could be used to kill them?_

 _Didn't Naruto, of all fucking people, know what that was like? He wouldn't agree. He wouldn't agree. He wouldn't agree. He wouldn't agree. He wouldn't agre- **\- the cold stare of Hiashi Hyuuga boring into him; th** **e frustrated glances of Kakashi-sensei, ready to resign already from a job he never wanted; th** **e weight of his entire life's efforts to become Hokage -**_

 _ **When had he become such a coward?**_

 _ **.**_

 _ **.**_

 _ **.**_

 _...So he, too, had agreed - inking the strokes of his name beside a document promising actual torture to kids unfortunate enough to be born in the wrong place at the wrong time._

 _Naruto had tried to justify it to himself; the consequences that would arise if the Hyuugas chose to leave Konoha for another village, or to start their own village, were too fatalistic! There was no other way if he wanted a long successful term; to prevent a civil war! And the Hyuugas were rich too; Konoha needed their investments to be par in negotiations with other villages - so it was all for the greater good!_

 _Right?!_

 _WRONG._

Of course, Sasuke had no reason to care about the Hyuugas himself; had never even exchanged real words with Neji - he just knew how to hit him where it hurt. Always had. Right?

Naruto rolled his shoulders and sat up, "Just fuck me, you bastard."

Sasuke looked momentarily shocked, but then started laughing, and Naruto felt exhausted.

There was nothing new that Sasuke could provoke him about regarding Neji, that Naruto didn't already beat himself up with every night; but hearing Sasuke say it to him like that...

 _When he was looking into the clear white eyes of his daughter and wife; continuing on their merry lives, carefree and privileged - sometimes he could even convince himself that if they were alright with it; he could be too._

 _But most of the time, he couldn't._

And God, could Sasuke see right through him.

* * *

 **A/N:** _Ah I had both the worst time writing this and the best time. It was cathartic, in a way, but I honestly feel so bad away that the Boruto series has just brushed aside so many of the problems in Konoha and changed the boys so very much... And honestly the girls deserved good lovers too._

 _Hopefully thus piece got you thinking. More than anything I would appreciate your support - especially your comments. I don't know many people in real life who feel about the ending as I do. Special shout outs to 008Kasumi,_ _Ratana Channeasa and my guests ! Hope to hear from you again , and everyone else please don't be shy._

 _Love . ~K. M ._


	4. Haku - Convictions

**A/N:** _Please enjoy this latest chapter. It's a little bit more reflective; told from Sasuke's perspective and piecing all of his thought processes together, particularly from the Land of Waves Arc, my absolute favorite arc. Sorry for the delay in the update. Hope that all of you are having a good end of year._

 _Hopefully, I was able to deliver an emotionally and intellectually stimulating chapter. Take Care, and be sure to leave your thoughts._

* * *

 **(What) Should Have Been (Mine)**

"What's it to you, anyways? You barely care anymore, right? You don't even live in Konoha," Naruto spat back, rolling his eyes for what felt like the millionth time.

He wordlessly turned himself around until he was on his hands and knees, presenting himself up for fucking; ass in the air, facing the pillowcase - behaving more like Hinata than himself. It made Sasuke raise an eyebrow; at Naruto's indignant, inaccurate wallowing - because _really, how could Sasuke not have cared about the Hyuuga dilemma when that's exactly the kind of shit that got all of them into this ridiculous injustice_ \- but also at his overall lack of reaction.

What was he trying to do; run away?

Avoid the subject?

As if Naruto could ever hide from Sasuke.

As if either of them could ever hide from the other...

And what was with the passive aggressive position? Naruto knew that Sasuke hated not being able to see his face when they had sex; even if all they did was bite and spit at each other, it was still better than anything else. If all Sasuke wanted was a warm body to stick his dick in, there were still hundreds of pathetic women lining up around the block who knew nothing about him but how sharp his cheekbones were - or whatever; ready to be fucked like a flesh-light. Sakura at the head of that line, of course.

Naruto was supposed to understand him; or at least _try_ to.

"Yeah. I don't care at all..." Sasuke lied smoothly, "Let's do this then."

He leaned forward and spread Naruto open, parting the soft flesh of his ass, stroking his fingers down the crevices of his skin, and breathing delicately against his throbbing entrance; just a little red and puffy from being fingered earlier, and glistening wet with remnants of the lubricant. Naruto tried to move out of the position to get some leverage, but Sasuke held him in place until he finally looked over his shoulder to face him, "Come on, already..." he hissed through his clenched teeth, flushing high on his cheeks.

Sasuke said nothing; just kept watching as little drops of lubricant dripped down his legs, Naruto's breathing getting heavier as he grew more impatient; his pink hole twitching and fluttering under Sasuke's gaze as he impatiently clenched his fingers in the sheets.

"Ah, _ahnn,_ what are you, ah, waiting for? World peace?"

Sasuke suddenly froze; considering just what exactly he _was_ waiting for. He could and should fuck Naruto now; like he usually did at this point, but for some reason he felt so jarred that Naruto had completely misconstrued his point; and felt his erection wilt away. Which was a huge deal because Naruto was the only person who could make him naturally aroused; with a kind of concentrated intensity that made up for his lack of response elsewhere. But Sasuke was fully limp now; thinking that Konoha's Great Savior really had changed...

 _He used to be the sun; a force of nature disguised as a twelve year old boy._

 _He had swept into Sasuke's life and upended everything; re-shaping it in the bright warmth of his image. He was so bright that even when Sasuke had still been in the dark, in every way possible; all it had taken was the thought of his bright smile; the set of his clear sky-blue eyes - and he hadn't even blinked before throwing himself in Haku's way to die for him. He hadn't known it then, fucking barely understood it now; but there was nothing that felt as real, or as right, as being in Naruto's presence; to be able to see the world as Naruto believed that it could be._

 _He would have died for him then; still would._

 _Even when he was half delirious from Haku's needles - looking out onto the 'Naruto Bridge' in the Land of Waves, and seeing the stupidly orange silhouette of Naruto's tiny figure - he had been pulled in. The cracks in Naruto's frustrated, pre-puberty voice dug into his very existence, and wouldn't leave him be; and so he had observed as_ _Naruto looked head-on at Zabuzza, the mass murderer who would have killed them all just minutes ago, and called him out for being the coward that he was._ _Not to taunt; but to force him to contend with the fact that Haku_ loved _him; the fact that Haku had tied every fiber of his being to Zabuza and never let go, not even in death. Naruto screamed that Zabuza needed to make that mean something; make Haku's death mean something more than the disrespect those thugs were showing his corpse._

 _Naruto had seen the humanity in two literal mass murderers, and had empathized with them; had wanted them to be better because he believed that they could and_ should _be better; and be treated better in kind. And so Zabuza died as a better man who understood Haku; the Haku that had only ever wanted his love, wanted him_.

 _Against the split splat of Naruto's tears, and the paralysis in his own legs; Sasuke had found himself praying that the two of them could end up together too._

 _Sasuke, who hadn't so much as visited a shrine since the massacre, had prayed to God for the peace of a boy who had pretended to kill him._

 _Impossible?_

 _But he had prayed; because of Naruto._

 _Now that he is older and knows more (or maybe, has learned that what he actually knows is nothing at all); he sees himself in Haku. And he sees Naruto in Haku too, even Itachi in Haku – or perhaps, he was seeing elements of Haku in all of them._ _Four boys running in a marathon for the title of 'Most Fucked-Up.' Four boys manipulated by the overarching forces of a Godless world - throw in Neji and Gaara for good measure; and all of ANBU's Root division too..._

 _But the point is that even before he realized any of this; Sasuke had been willing to die for Naruto and the bright image that he had imagined._ _Even if Itachi had truly been evil, and blackmailed him to stand down by threatening Naruto; he would have done so in the hopes that that image would become a reality in Naruto's outstretched hands._

 _A better world; no genjutsu needed..._

 _Naruto had_ always _created such overwhelming feelings in him. And really, it was because of that ability, that he left._

 _Because Sasuke had realized that he could be happy with Naruto; but Sasuke wasn't supposed to_ be _happy. Wasn't_ allowed _to be happy – that wasn't his fate. If he kept imagining the world that Naruto believed that they could live in... he'd forget the one wherein his brother had killed their parents; and then later, the one where a thirteen year old was blackmailed into mass murder by threatening his eight year old brother_...

 _Naruto was different; good and bright, beyond everyone else... He had the unique power to change people; make them listen - and it went doubly for Sasuke._

 _Because others tried to change him too; and failed. Laughably._

 _Like Kakashi taking the moral high ground; condescendingly pointing out how Sasuke should treasure his precious people in life because he hadn't been able to. But Kakashi wasn't able to extrapolate in any meaningful way. He couldn't understand how Sasuke had needed to go kill Itachi not because of some narcissistic pride; but because his life was not his own - the power that he sought was not for glory or himself, but for self-immolation. How was he supposed to sit back and relax when every superstructure that shaped his life wanted him alone and miserable? And then later; how was he supposed to forgive them when he learned that they had wanted Itachi and all of his family dead? God, Sasuke wasn't even the youngest; there were literal toddlers; newborns massacred - who could forgive Konoha?_

 _Like how Haku had used his convictions to motivate his entire existence; was willing to die for Zabuza by jumping into his chidori - i_ _t didn't matter to him if the Zabuza who he died for didn't care for him (though he did), was just another awful thug (which he wasn't) because Zabuza was his everything; the source of his conviction's strength. Just like it didn't matter to Sasuke even_ if _Orochimaru killed him, so long as he could fulfill his convictions as the sole Uchiha survivor first; no matter who else's feelings got hurt. And then later, if he could strike out on Itachi's behalf - sweet, pacifist Itachi who just wanted to eat dango, and read books, and be normal - then he would; even if it meant his own damn end. Perhaps especially if it meant his end._

 _The parallel was not perfect, Haku's story was not his own, but Sasuke had felt the measure of his life just as distinctly._

 _And then there was Sakura - who had cried performative tears for Sasuke in the Land of Waves, leaned over his body and wept at his injuries; but never had it in her to reach into the deepest parts of herself and find pure empathy; find solutions to the problems around her by understanding people's convictions and contending with them. Simply, she had wanted Sasuke; and thus filled her head with Sasuke. And later, she had tried to kill the Sasuke that she couldn't understand; that wouldn't behave as she wanted..._

 _When he had left the village, she had tried to get him to see that she would feel 'loss' if he left. And Sasuke didn't want to hurt her – had never hated her; liked her, valued her as a precious person even – but she was so selfish that he felt_ hollow _at her near-sighted proclamations_ _. Didn't she realize that Sasuke's choices weren't about HER or even HIMSELF? The pain of his loss was totalitarian; thrust upon him by a world he couldn't know; while she had had easy love and friends and family._

 _She was comparing apples to cyanide tablets being shoved down his throat._ _His whole world was a theater show of corruption and deceit; and Sasuke had just been playing his part._

 _S_ _akura was sweet, and Sasuke believed that she at least_ thought _that she loved him – and in her own limited, narrow-minded way - perhaps she actually did._

 _But Sasuke had never wanted someone to love him; he had wanted someone to show him how to live._

 _Did Naruto understand him completely? Of course not; he was still a giant, easily-swayed dobe._

 _But he understood what Sasuke had needed to move on, to change, to breath, to feel happy, to be bright, to envision a new life..._

 _Naruto had showed him that, which is why Sasuke loved him, and exactly why he had to leave the sphere of his sunshine to fight his demons in the dark, face-to-face, as a demon himself._

 _._

 _And now that it was over?_

The Naruto of today was a different being entirely. Apparently, whatever nuanced understanding he had had of love, and conviction, and a better world at twelve was purged from his system. At nineteen; he became the sort of person who confused his taste for ramen with real human love for another person, the sort of person who could turn around and get fucked into the mattress by Sasuke, sure, but couldn't face him and answer him like _Naruto._

Sasuke really didn't know what to say.

"Incredible," Naruto huffed and reached for the dropped tube of lubricant, popping it open and pressing some out onto his own fingers. "That's the problem with you, isn't it?" he said, warming the substance by rubbing it in between his fingers, "You don't have any follow-through to do what you just said you'd do. Whether it's fucking me, or making Konoha less corrupt;... you don't even _try_ anymore."

He met Sasuke's eyes, as he began to reach over to his near-flaccid length, and coat it in lubricant; staring at him intensely all the while. Sasuke was still silent. They were balancing on some kind of precipice; and Sasuke realized that he wanted to cry looking at the man before him, wanted to stab himself for allowing _his Naruto_ to become this person, but also wanted to kiss him because he was still _his_ _Naruto_ – within reach but so far. It was sickening because it was so fucked up; but he wanted Naruto to say something to him; force his hand, and confront the tension in the room. He just needed Naruto.

Eventually, however, Naruto grew tired of this; as Sasuke didn't appear like he was going to do anything. So he sat back; still a little hard but wilting now too. He narrowed his eyes at Sasuke, before shaking his head, "Fine then; let's do this now."

His blue eyes went dark and he leaned in; his breathe ghosting across Sasuke's skin,

"-did _you_ stay home to help me make Konoha a better place like you said you would? Did you help me with any of the negotiations? Forget getting the Hyuugas to re-consider - that's my cross to carry and when I die and see Neji, he can rightfully slug me across the face for the rest of eternity; though he won't because he's _actually_ a good guy unlike the two of us - but what about getting Itachi-san's story out there in the public? How was I supposed to do that without you?"

Sasuke bared his teeth, and Naruto did too; chakra swirling like electric energy around them.

And in it, Sasuke could hear the words, said in a voice that could pull him home from the edge of the world;

' _I'll never go back on my word. That's my ninja way!"_

Sasuke's throat clenched tight in overwhelming emotion. Shock? Happiness? Disbelief? Hope?

Whatever it was; for a second, it made him almost forgot to hate himself.

* * *

 **A/N:** _And the story continues. That was a challenging chapter to write; I feel a little vulnerable putting this version of Sasuke out here. Hopefully; this story will continue to interest you. I am so grateful to you for even reading this story up until here. (It feels so good to be validated about the awfulness that is the Naruto ending.)_

 _Special thanks to everyone who has supported this story by following, favouriting, or reviewing ~ I really appreciate it!_


	5. Monuments

**A/N:** _Hi my name is Katie Madison, and I wrote this story because I like to suffer :) In all honesty though, this chapter is probably the sweetest, and ugliest chapter I've written for this story thus far. I'm not sure if you'll be able to enjoy it, so much as feel broken by it; but that's what canon has done to us all, right?_

* * *

 **(What) Should Have Been (Mine)**

"But in the end, it doesn't matter who is to blame! The Cage Bird Seal still exists, and nobody knows what the Uchiha Clan Massacre was really about; and it's on both of us," Naruto said, gritting the words out in a painfully tight voice.

Sasuke felt his blood rush, eyes widen, and heart pound hard in his chest. He had expected more insults and derision - but of course now would be when Naruto hit him with sudden pragmatism.

God, he really was the most unpredictable ninja... And Sasuke couldn't deal with this side of him; had never been able to. It hurt too much.

So he laughed instead. "So now what? Is that your cop-out answer? You're going to say, _'Yes, since you, Sasuke, as a disgraced ninja who couldn't walk two steps in Konoha without people screaming and running in the opposite direction, decided to keep quiet – then that excuses me too! Fuck the fact that I am now Hokage, and everyone in the village kisses my ass!_ ' As usual... You always overextend the similarities between you and I, usuratonkachi; but you're different, whether you'll admit it or not!" Sasuke spat back.

Naruto just shook his head no, not even bothering to get worked up, "Maybe… But if that's true, then you have to admit that you always over-exaggerate our differences... You're afraid that what you see in me will be a reflection of your own self."

.

Fuck.

 _FuckFuckFuck_ -,

Sasuke panicked and reached out to grab Naruto's throat to throttle him, but Naruto simply grabbed his trembling hand instead; and moved closer. Dangerously close.

"If it's between you and I; then fighting like this is the easy way out, and I am so tired of taking the easy way out and going no where with you... So now? I'm going to tell the truth," he stated, blue eyes burning.

Sasuke's eyes widened even more, and Naruto's hand tightened its grip, "And you already know what the truth is, don't you? You know that what I really want to say is, ' _Come home and hold me accountable, Sasuke. And I'll make you fulfill all of your promises too; so let's push each other to be better_ ' and hope that it'll work, hope that we could somehow start over…"

Naruto's eyes were too penetrating, boring into him; and Sasuke wanted, needed, to look away; but couldn't. As always, before his gaze, Sasuke was affected like nothing else. Naruto pressed himself even closer; raised his other hand, the real one, to Sasuke's face; smoothing gentle circles into the tired skin he found under his eyes, tracing across his jawline with his thumb.

Sasuke fought hard against his natural reaction to lean into his touch. But then he lost, gladly.

"Naruto, don't-" he tried to protest, but he didn't even understand what the hell he was protesting. Naruto's touch felt so right against his skin; and his voice had taken on that quality that made Sasuke yearn...

"We could get divorced; show our kids that we respect their mothers enough to let them go, to be full autonomous people with men who could love them... Lee and Kiba still circle around our houses, you know? Narrowing their eyes at any trace of me or you because they actually love Sakura and Hinata... And they're good guys…"

Sasuke barely remembered Kiba, but he would never forget Lee; and Lee was indeed good. As a young woman, perhaps Sakura had been shallow, and never saw the appeal of Lee – but after all that she had been through, maybe she would accept him now.

And if she did, he wouldn't have to pretend anymore.

Naruto continued, "We could show Sarada and Boruto the kind of people that we really are when we aren't choking in this parody of a life we've trapped ourselves in… We could be good to them; get to know them as people so that they would respect us because they understand what we've been through."

Boruto and Sarada weren't anything like Naruto and himself; had never, and would never suffer the way that they had. Naruto was naive, as always; those kids would always relate more to their wholly average mothers because they were wholly average too; but that was fine, because at least it wouldn't be this.

Whenever he looks at the picture of Itachi that he keeps in his coat pocket, he is reminded that his brother wouldn't have wanted him to treat anyone like this; especially not innocent children who knew nothing else.

Naruto's hands roved through his hair, and pulled at the strands near the nape of his neck till his head fell to the side. Climbing into Sasuke's lap and pressing kisses to the pale skin covering his beating pulse point, he smiled, "We could make a statue for Itachi. I think precedent says that it should have him standing in a heroic pose; but from what you've told me... it seems like he might have liked something less flashy…? Perhaps a portrayal of him sitting on a park bench, holding out a scroll about - _what's the word? Ah,_ \- 'pacifism' in one hand, and a pet raven sitting on the palm of his other. What do you think?"

Sasuke felt tears gather at the corner of his eyes, and then overflowing down the sides of his face; but he still couldn't close his eyes. He saw the scene that Naruto was describing; and he was right to say that Itachi would have liked it.

He could take Sarada to the monument and tell her about what it meant to be an Uchiha.

Holy fuck.

Did she even know about Itachi?

Had he ever bothered to tell her?

"And then somewhere around there, I'd like a monument for Neji. Maybe beside an oak tree or something sturdy; where lots of birds come to nest throughout the year, you know?... Because I'd want him to be holding a bird cage with the door open – free at last," Naruto mused some more, pulling back to kiss at the tear-marks streaking down Sasuke's face, still dripping down his neck.

Sasuke hadn't even realized that he'd been crying so much. He brought his own hand up to his eyes, and his fingers came back slippery wet.

Naruto interlaced those damp fingers with the warm fingers of his own hand; and brought them both to his chest. He reached in and kissed Sasuke; sweetly, just the pressure of their lips pressing together; testing, confirming.

Making sure that Sasuke was here and okay.

And soon, in Naruto's presence, he was; smiling into the kisses and responding in kind.

Eventually, however, the other man began laughing and scratching at his nose. "I mean, since they were both so handsome and popular, I think that regardless of where we put their representations, they would be well-loved…" he started, voice bright, but also just a little measured.

Sasuke couldn't help but laugh.

"Are you jealous?" he asked.

Naruto frowned for a moment, but then gave him a wink, "Not at all?... If _you're_ the most handsome man, and you're attracted to me, then doesn't that make me, like, The Most Attractive, Charismatic, and Handsome Man ©?"

"I think it makes you a moron," Sasuke retorted, but as he started pressing kisses down his neck, nipping at the ridges of his collarbone, sucking dark marks into the planes of his chest... He knew that Naruto knew what he really thought about him.

"But really... I think that they would belong atop the Hokage monument; overlooking the village," Naruto continued in a breathy tone, "People who were just as important to the development of Konoha as the Hokages; but as agents who worked in the shadows, or were purposefully put in the shadows…? Wouldn't that be meaningful? I don't know; I still don't really know how to-mph!"

Sasuke pushed Naruto back down on the bed, laid himself flush against the front of his body; and covered his mouth with a trembling hand.

He didn't know what to think, or how to feel - Naruto always managed to make him conflicted enough to want to scream - glimpses of the boy who stole his heart; the one he would die for without pause, but also the one that he lived for even when he hated himself, and hated everything around him – but he couldn't scream.

"I know," Naruto whispered, kissing the fingers still resting against his lips.

His skin tingled bright with warmth. And Sasuke withdrew his hand, and lowered his mouth; kissed Naruto deeply, deeper - wanted to feel his brightness everywhere.

This time, he wasn't rough like in the beginning; but not as sweet as Naruto had just been. This time he kissed him as thoroughly as possible; completely relentless - searching, consuming, desperate; and Naruto responded in kind, always giving as good as he got - licking his way into Sasuke's mouth, sucking on his tongue, nipping at his lips, wrapping his arms around his back to pull him ever close.

It was a rare vulnerable moment; the kind that they both enjoyed when they happened, however briefly, never to be brought up again.

A delicate apex in liminal space.

And then Naruto's half-hard erection was fully hard once more and pressing against Sasuke's own stiff cock. They each pulled back and licked their lips.

"Right. I was going to fuck you...," Sasuke reminded them both, eyes half-lidded; and Naruto made a noise of reluctant agreement.

"Yeah? Seems like more of a 'make love to you' kind of situation, if you ask me…" he wondered aloud, as Sasuke began kissing down the entire length of his body. Naruto groaned when he dipped his tongue to swirl into the dip of his belly-button, scraped his teeth against the cut of his hipbones, "Horrible, kind-of-maybe fucked up love; that's somehow still love..." he breathed out in a gasp.

 _'Horrible fucked up love...'_

Sasuke didn't stop his movements, but his eyes shot open.

 _Right._

 _He was a moron._

 _Because just how did they end up here, again?_

 _Who was it that got hitched and knocked up first? God, when he remembered what it felt like to get that fucking message... Who did that useless fucking chuunin cunt think she was? Sasuke could kill her and floss his teeth with her fake, whiney, grating vocal chords._

 _He couldn't blame her for wanting Naruto; because in the end, it was Naruto's choice to settle for her!_

 _Who was the one with all of these ideas for monuments that he was keeping secret instead of presenting to the public? Who was the one willingly getting his ass kissed by any clan with a few dollars to bargain with, just to satisfy his need for public acceptance?_

 _Didn't Naruto understand that he didn't fucking need the positive opinions of people who gleefully kicked him in the stomach when he was just an innocent kid twenty years ago?_

 _Naruto was the one who wanted to play house with all of those fucking morons;_

 _Naruto was the one who had degraded himself;_

 _Naruto was the one who broke his heart - **not the other way around.**_

But fine, if that's how Naruto liked to do things these days; Sasuke could do that too.

* * *

 **A/N:** _Thank you so much to Acetwolf94, I appreciate your review, and to all who favourited or followed. If you have any thoughts, I would absolutely love to hear them; and be sure to follow this story for more, or add it to your favorites if you enjoyed it. So until next time, take care. ~ Love, K.M._


	6. Service

**A/N:** _This chapter contains exceptional angst, and is full of even more dubious consent. However, this entire story has been deeply problematic and upsetting; so if you've come this far, it shouldn't be too different than the odd merge of sex, resentment, and love that this story is already full of._

* * *

 **(What) Should Have Been (Mine)**

Sasuke pressed kisses lower on his body; sucking deep bruises into the ridges of his hipbones, the soft flesh of his inner thighs. Naruto was finally letting his voice out now too; sighing and moaning his enjoyment instead of swallowing his sighs down - and they spurred Sasuke on further, making him hotter and hornier than anything else. He leaned forward and sucked the head of his cock into his mouth, bobbing his head a few times before moving even lower; sinking his teeth into the curve of where his thigh met his ass.

"Ahh, _ahn?_ Wait, Sasuke; I don't want that," Naruto tried to sit up, but Sasuke pushed him back down before flipping him over on to his stomach; reaching over to pull Naruto onto his knees and elbows. He traced his thumb over the slight indents of where his teeth had punctured into his skin, teasingly; and then hard enough to _hurt_ _._

"I said, WAIT, Sasuk- _AHH_ , Fuck you!?" Naruto cried out loud, when Sasuke then smacked his ass hard enough to burn.

Naruto was bewildered because Sasuke had never liked spanking. In fact, neither of them did.

Naruto slowly turned around to face dead eyes.

"I'm only acting as the Uchiha clanhead... Maybe you'll let me get away with murder too if I kiss your ass, hmm?" Sasuke said, the resentment suddenly so thick in his voice.

Naruto couldn't even find it in himself to argue because he _should_ have seen this coming.

 _At this point, were either of them capable of anything but expecting the absolute worst out of each other?Treating each other like fucking terrorists; always keeping an eye out for the other to backstab them? And for what? Just so they could be the first one to backstab the other? Pretend that stabbing the other didn't hurt more than stabbing their own damn selves? Did words even matter… if nobody believed them...?_

Naruto snapped back. "I'm going to kill you; I said _no_ , you fucking prick. This is… sexual assault."

Sasuke had the gall to fucking smack him again, and then laugh in a way that sounded more like a sneer than anything else. It made Naruto's blood rush, and his chakra-sharpened teeth cut against the soft flesh on the side of his mouth.

So the semi-sweet vulnerable moment was finally over. Things would be all the more colder from here on out.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, and wordlessly pushed the other man's chest down; until Naruto's chin dug into the mattress, "You've learned some big new words, haven't you?" he taunted, easily re-penetrating Naruto's entrance with two fingers as he spoke; finger-fucking him shallowly until Naruto panted before continuing.

"But what's another crime against humanity compared to all the ones we've already racked up, huh, Hokage-sama?"

Sasuke leaned forward and scissored his fingers still pumping in and out of Naruto, and then stopped. He bent down and wiped his tongue over his sensitive entrance, licking into him as he clenched and cursed into his pillow. Naruto could feel it when Sasuke's lips curled into a grin against his trembling, spread apart skin.

"Stop," Naruto said; eyes glazed, arms trembling; clearly more disappointed in himself than at Sasuke at this point, because his body betrayed him – wanting Sasuke to continue _more_ when he shouldn't. He had said he didn't want this.

God. But the truth was that if Naruto really wanted to, after all, he _could_ still send Sasuke flying.

But he wouldn't.

Should.

But wouldn't.

.

Of course.

Sasuke pulled back and glanced up at the modern-art painted ceiling; smirking, "When you go say your goodbyes to Gaara at the border, be sure to tell him that even though you loved the new modern art in your room, and the ornate carvings on the door… _What_ you really loved was the feeling of me doing this to you; the way my tongue fucking into you like this made you cum until you couldn't see straight," he said, tone so light he may as well have been talking about the weather, instead of detailing how he was going to take apart another person's body.

One of Naruto's few 'boundaries' (like they were the type that could rationally keep boundaries, what a joke) when they had started this whole fucking charade, was that Sasuke wouldn't eat him out. He hadn't provided an explanation, really; but Sasuke knew why. Whenever he had rimmed him when they were actually together and in love, Naruto always got _so_ needy; ended up feeling too good, and wanting him too much.

He was so cute when he just couldn't control himself; sensitive, vulnerable, mouth-wateringly sexy, and entirely in Sasuke's control to pleasure him or deny him as he wanted...

And Sasuke could admit to himself that Naruto didn't trust him enough to be in his control anymore.

But whatever.

Naruto tried to verbalize a response but couldn't; biting hard into the mattress, fisting and releasing the sheets sporadically as he felt Sasuke's breathe fan over his entrance; making him lose his mind.

Sasuke licked the pad of his forefinger and placed it over Naruto's slightly raised hole, rubbing it gently for a few minutes until Naruto subconsciously opened up for the intrusion, and started sucking him into his body in want. Sasuke worked him open on two more of his fingers, for a minute; almost as though he was going to simply start fingering him again, before suddenly pulling out completely, and spreading him wide open between his digits.

"Sasuke, no; stop! Just _mhh, just fuck me!_ " Naruto cried in a last ditch effort, but Sasuke simply leaned in and licked over Naruto's waiting entraance. He scraped at the ridges of his trembling opening with his teeth before shoving his tongue deep into his body.

Naruto cried outloud again as his toes curled against the sheets. He moved one of his hands back and pressed it against Sasuke's knee, hard; in warning or as a pleading gesture. At that point he wouldn't have known even if he were asked.

Sasuke didn't move the hand away, but he didn't stop either.

He buried his face against Naruto's hot little hole and licked him slow and heavy, circling his tongue around his entrance, pressing it in every so often to tongue-fuck him and slurp at his taste; moaning and sending vibrations wracking through Naruto's entire body.

The squelching sounds coupled with Naruto's uncontrollable cries caused Sasuke's cock to ache and drip from how hard it was; wetness spreading across his tip from how badly he was affected too. Naruto's voice, his taste...

Sasuke used his teeth to worry at the bottom rim of Naruto's swollen hole, and then at the top; before sucking hard on the over-sensitized flesh; biting and nipping and marking him up fully until every part of his skin was bruised red. Nobody would see these marks, of course; they were for his own perverse pleasure.

Naruto screamed and screamed as the intense sensation wracking through him, his whole body reeling and trembling out of control from Sasuke's relentless assault.

He was cumming before he even realized it; spurting up high enough to splatter cum across his own face, his neck. But it wasn't enough, he was still so hard and his balls still felt full and heavy.

Sasuke's chin was soon covered in streaks of his own saliva; sticky trails running down the back of Naruto's legs, leaving messy wet stains on the sheets.

Naruto felt like he had lost his rational mind; ashamed because it was dirty and wrong, but so so _so_ good that he barely remembered why he was supposed to be resisting in the first place. Before long, he was spreading his own legs wider and pressing back, rocking his ass against Sasuke's mouth for more pleasure.

Sasuke enclosed his lips around his entrance, and thrust his tongue in and out; penetrating deep inside him, fucking him so sloppily that Naruto couldn't see straight.

Couldn't stop himself from rambling, "Ah, you're _fucking me with your tongue; it's so good, I'm going to cum again! Ah, ahn! Want it!_ Please, Sasuke, please; don't-, don't-! I can't-, I'm going to cum from your _tongue in me, your _teeth, Ah! AH! Want it, it's only you; you're so good to me, feels good, do it more until I can't-,.__ _Oh, need you; you are-, I-_ _Oh, OH-, AHH!"_

Naruto could only briefly wonder if he should be worried about how horny and desperate he looked asking for something so depraved; or if he had somehow become addicted to the way Sasuke's licked against him, bit at the muscles of his entrance until they were sore and throbbing, tongue-fucked him hot and dirty, and sinfully good _…_ ; but before he could even fully complete his thought, he felt his core tightening, and another a wave of too-hot orgasmic pleasure crash into him.

He came, clamping down hard on Sasuke's tongue, and shivering when the other man licked him to his core throughout the aftershocks.

"Despite all of your protests, you always _really_ like it when I eat you out, hmm… Such a hypocrite; I bet you still want more..." Sasuke said, leaning back to admire the view of Naruto wrecked and shivering from the strength of his orgasm at being eaten out. By him.

No touch to his cock. Nothing against his prostate either.

Sasuke licked his lips, and lowered his head once more.

"N-n, you-, _no,_ I-I," Naruto felt his heart pounding too loud in his ears; he couldn't even get the words out and groaned in frustration. His head felt heavy, and his mouth was full of saliva; and he could barely find it in him to care about how it dripped down his chin when he tried to speak. He was so gone.

Sasuke sat up on his knees and leaned over Naruto, interlacing the fingers of his hand with one of Naruto's, "Fine, no more rimming for tonight," he said almost gently, licking the curve of his ear, "I think you've had enough…"

Naruto almost relaxed, until Sasuke sat back up and rubbed the burning hot, precum-slick tip of his cock against his entrance instead. "Especially when this is what you really wanted, right? What was it that you were saying? ' _Just, mhh, fuck me,_ right?' As you wish, Hokage-sama… "

* * *

 **A/N:** _Please let me know your thoughts, and leave a favorite or follow if you found it intriguing. The first part of this story will be coming to a close in a few chapters. Please look forward to it, and the part 2 that I have planned for very soon after. I'm so excited. Take care! ~Love, K.M._


	7. Salvation

**A/N:** _Hello Everyone. Thank you so much for reading this story thus far. It's been a wild ride, but it's been cathartic for me to write, so hopefully you've been able to take something away from this too. As always, angst, and dubious consent. Enjoy._

* * *

 **(What) Should Have Been (Mine)**

It was only when Naruto had Sasuke buried deep in him, thighs and hips slapping against the back of Naruto's own spread apart legs, cock slamming into him with every thrust, bringing him closer to yet another climax, that Naruto would really start saying what he wanted to.

Why? Because if they had gotten to the point of _actually_ fucking, it meant that Naruto had given up all pretenses; if he hadn't sent Sasuke flying out the window by now, then he wasn't planning on it for the rest of the night.

Wasn't planning on it on most nights, actually. They both knew this.

Still, Naruto had kicked him out twice, and Sasuke was well aware that he was dealing with the number one most unpredictable ninja in Konoha, so he was a cautious of a third expulsion; but at the same time, usually figured that it wouldn't be the case.

Why? Because the first time Naruto kicked him out was after Sasuke had tried to get him off with two fingers working against his prostate as he bent him over the same sink, in the same washroom, where Hinata had just been throwing up, sick from his child. And the second time had been just a few months after, when it was Sakura's turn to vomit; as Naruto received a call from Karin stating that he should make a note on the Uchiha registry. It had been just after Sasuke had showed up in his office, pulled Naruto's pants down around his knees, and began sucking down his cock.

On both nights, Naruto had kicked him out, run out as far West as he could manage before collapsing onto the floor and crying until he hiccupped with a mouth that felt like sandpaper, and Kurama's voice begged him to stop digging his nails into the skin of his own arms.

The worst thing was that Naruto knew that this _whole_ thing was completely fucking disgusting; every time they did this – not just on those nights where they had knocked up their wives.

He should be trying to escape from Sasuke.. Or trying to get him to go home to his fucking wife and daughter so he could smile and eat Sakura's fucking food and make Sarada laugh or whatever the fuck people did in nice families.

Or at the very least, he should be trying to kill the miserable man before him like he'd promised him he would.

He knew this, and yet he hadn't found it in him to protest when Sasuke came after the news of Himawari's conception. Naruto had allowed him all the way into his body that night, allowed himself to be held down, spread open, and fucked until his orgasms were dry, and tears from his hot pleasure stained the sheets upon which he and Hinata had made their latest child.

Just like… he hadn't found it in him to protest today.

Sasuke bit down hard at the juncture of Naruto's neck and shoulder and slowed his thrusts; worrying the skin between his teeth until it broke, blood gushing into his mouth, and down Naruto's arms; dotting the sheets.

The mark was sure to bloom red and obvious on his skin until tomorrow night, even with Naruto's quick healing, but it didn't matter. He slept on the couch at home anyways, - had been for the past several years - and those times were only on the off-chance that he managed to make it home at all, instead of just crashing on the couch in his office.

Across his shoulder blades, his sides, behind his neck, Sasuke marked him harder and harder; licking his lips after each time and tasting the metallic tang of his blood. And after he was finally satisfied with the mosaic of red marks he had left, Sasuke sped up his thrusts once again, but shallowly; fast and light, _just_ skimming his prostate to torture. Naruto groaned in annoyance and tried to push back, but whenever he did, Sasuke pulled back too, and Naruto's erection waned.

He growled in frustration, but Sasuke didn't change his movements at all.

Afterall, Sasuke was hoping that if he provoked Naruto enough, he would finally start saying what he wanted to say to him.

Sasuke knew that if there was any time that Naruto was going to let him have it, it would be now. And not in the sweet way in which he sometimes spokelied about ridiculous things like _monuments_ ; but in the way that he _deserved_ **needed** ; like how Sasuke raked Naruto across the coals because he understood that Naruto _needed_ **deserved** it too.

He was ready for the blond to chew him out; was eager to be devoured and ruined and spit back out by the only one who ever could make him feel anything at all.

Truthfully, at this point, Sasuke was so fucked-up that he couldn't cum if he wasn't looking into brightly defiant blue eyes, pressing his lips against the teasing-fucking-grin that Naruto wore when he said _just_ the thing to rile him up, not knowing if Naruto would kiss him back or bite his lips off; both possibilities exciting him equally.

And so when Naruto finally turned back to face him with the exact fucking eyes that Sasuke dreamt of at night, he felt his cock jump, still thrusting shallowly in Naruto's hot body; and when he grinned that grin, Sasuke's heart rate rocketed.

"Hey, instead of what ever the heck you _think_ you're doing back there, why don't you just come home and fuck your goddamn wife, Sasuke-kun?" Naruto taunted, " _Sakura would_ be dripping wet as soon as she saw your pathetic shadow darken her doorstep, so you could fuck her just as half-assed as you are now, and she'd cum buckets... Man, if you're going to be such a huge bitch, coming in here and breaking my hotel room door, giving me shit; then at least _try_ and finish up properly... You're always saying how you're the only one who can give me _this,"_ he punctuated the word with a roll of his hips, trying to pull Sasuke's cock in deeper as if to show him how to do it, "But maybe Gaara or even Sai would too;… and I know just how much you especially love the way your 'lookalike' can't pry his eyes off of me whenever I pass him by in the village that you left because you're such a fucking coward who couldn't stand for shit when push came to shove… You'd rather run away into the forest for years like a kicked dog with its tail between its legs, rather than reveal the truth that Itachi was coerced, the Third Hokage fucked everyone over, and I'm the only one you could ever want… How does it make you feel to know you needed Sakura to give you enhancement pills just to fuck her enough to make one child - who you avoid like the plague. Classy. Ahh, did you know? A few years ago, Sarada asked Sakura if you wore _glasses,_ and she fucking said _maybe?"_

"Shut up," Sasuke said in his iciest voice, but he had a twisted, dark sense of satisfaction. He pulled out and flipped Naruto onto his back, staring into his eyes as he re-penetrated him, and started to fuck him in earnest.

Or so he thought; Naruto just cocked an eyebrow.

"It's okay, I understand that it's difficult to do this right. You're still going so slow… Urgh; maybe it's time to upgrade you for a younger model; you know Konohamaru has always held a torch for me too… Or maybe I should be like Sakura to encourage your delicate feelings; I'm sure she's a breeze to satisfy – she is when I fuck her too, of course, but I'm sure she's even more pathetic with you... _Oh Sasuke-kun! Fill me up with your cum! Pump me full of more babies that you won't give a shit about! Ah, your daughter dresses like such a huge fucking slut because she's so starved for male attention, but that's fine! I love you so much! I'm so devoted to you that I can cum from just the thought of your cock, without a single touch to my clitoris or G-spot! In fact, that's how I've been cumming for years, since you never come home, even though we live in peace and shadow clones exist! Hnn! Fuck me with your huge, dripping, sexy, Uchiha cock in my Uchiha pussy! Ahh; I don't know how it makes sense for me to wear an emblem of a fan flaming fire when I can use neither fire nor air jutsu, but I do it for you because I love you! You're so sexy! I love you! You're so hot, you make me so wet! This is what real love is! Hn! Love you so much! Ah-ah-ah! Sasuke-kun!_ '"

Sasuke shifted forward and felt his heart pound in his ears, "What new gross shit are you trying to say? Making the world's worst porn? _Shut up already."_

Obviously, Sasuke wasn't fucking him quite hard enough; that tirade was definitely more coherent and longer than usual. Though in hindsight, Sasuke himself was probably a bit more caustic than usual today too; so it made sense for Naruto to want to really cut back into him. However, Sasuke had his reasons. Compelling reasons.

So he raised Naruto's hips up, and spread his legs further apart, placing one over his shoulder and then pinning the other into the mattress. He ignored Naruto's yelp of protest when he realized that this position gave him no leverage because that was good, as far as Sasuke was concerned. Maybe it would give him something to think about other than his latest _Sakura-_ impressions or whatever…

It really didn't bother him that much to hear him mention her, in and of itself, although Naruto seemed to think it should. Sakura should have known what she was getting herself into with him because there was no manipulation on his part – he had been honest with her. And she'd wanted him badly enough that she had consented to propagating on the Uchiha clan lineage, even though he had made it clear that that was all he wanted from her.

Still Naruto's voice doing an impression of her was so fucking high and grating that he'd lose his damn erection if he had to hear it any longer. It brought back memories of how impossible it was to fuck Sakura to conceive Sarada in the first place.

Sasuke re-doubled his efforts, ramming hard into Naruto's prostate on every thrust and increasing his speed. Soon the mattress beneath them started to shake with the effort of supporting them. Naruto's hands began clawing at the sheets, pulling them clean off the edges of the bed, and he bit his lower lip until it dripped blood, definitely no longer able to keep up his earlier tirade. His cock leaked a steady stream of semen, and since his entire front was already so drenched in cum from his previous orgasms, some of it started to trickle down the sides of his body, staining the sheets beneath them in sticky streams. Naruto's eyes were brighter than usual, glistening with tears of pleasure; boring into Sasuke's own.

He was the single most beautiful person Sasuke had ever seen; and whatever fucked-to-all-hell person he was, he was _Sasuke's_ , just as Sasuke was his too. Alive and thrumming with energy, their chakra mingling together in the air, the smell of their sweat seeping into the other's pores - Sasuke bent over and gripped at Naruto's cock, but he was cumming before Sasuke had even completed a single stroke. And as he tightened around him, Sasuke came too; biting down hard against Naruto's collarbone, vision blurring from the force of his orgasm rushing through him.

* * *

 **A/N:** _And so it goes. One more chapter left until this part of the story is over. Depending on feedback and my own thoughts, I will probably write something like an epilogue or part two because these poor characters have literally suffered so much, and are stuck in such a self-destructive rut that I can't just let them continue as such... :'(_

 _Please let me know your thoughts in a review, or favorite/follow to express your support. Take Care ~ K.M_.


	8. Cycle

**A/N:** _Such despotism. Brace yourselves. This story is cross-tagged with Boruto after all. However, this needed to be said and it felt right to say it like this._ _Thank you for coming so far on this nihilistic journey with me. Please enjoy._

* * *

 **(What) Should Have Been (Mine)**

Sasuke pulled out after a few seconds of calming his breathing and Naruto hissed as his cum leaked out of him. Still, as Sasuke moved around, re-fastening his pants, and adjusting his cloak, Naruto didn't move to clean up.

Sasuke rolled his eyes at his prone form, and picked up his Hokage coat, "There's spit on this. You should wash it tonight."

Naruto scoffed, "Oh yeah, don't remind me. What were you drinking? Decade-old expired milk before you came? Drinking lead? Why was your mouth so damn acidic?"

Sasuke looked up at that, but Naruto shook his head. "Forget it, the less I know about you and your life the better."

"About that..." Sasuke mumbled anyway.

Naruto scowled at the other man for immediately ignoring his wishes by continuing to speak, but his face remained impassive.

"I had a visit from your son last night. He's, uh, looking more and more like you… Espectially from when we used to-, when you used to, when you-,... well, never mind that, but he-."

Naruto narrowed his eyes, annoyed. "-Holy shit. I know I'm not going to win father of the year either, but I do _actually_ know what my child looks like… _and_ what people he's decided to idolize and visit in his spare time," he said, cutting Sasuke off.

Where had he even been going with that?

When it was all… said and done; when their wrumpled clothes were pulled back on their bodies, Sasuke didn't usually say anything more to provoke him, and neither did Naruto. They left each other to stew in their respective thoughts in silence.

Today was different though, because Sasuke responded by just laughed maniacally, until Naruto wanted to knock his stupid perfect teeth out of his mouth.

"Idolize. Right. I'm sure you _do_ know everything," Sasuke iced out at last, "Well then, if you already knew Boruto had confessed his supposed feelings for me _before_ you slept with me tonight, then I-"

"Wait, WHAT?! What the fuck?" Naruto shot of his bed and gripped Sasuke's hand with such strength, Sasuke felt his bones grind together. But he didn't mind the pain, in fact he welcomed it, and the bruises it would leave on his skin. If he was lucky, then maybe Naruto would even break his arm. He didn't try to pull it away.

Instead, he met Naruto's eyes with a raised eyebrow. "Shall I continue?"

"Fine, holy-, FINE, fuck. Sit," Naruto instructed, pushing Sasuke towards the bed.

Sasuke sat heavily with his hands folded in his lap, as Naruto stood in front of him, slipping a shirt over his head and pulling on pants. Sasuke felt himself smirk despite everything; all of Naruto's clothes would be stained with cum now. "What are you talking about?" Naruto started in a low voice, "And say it clearly, not in the way the purposefully makes me pissed."

"Last night, Boruto tracked me to an inn where I was staying, on the outskirts of Amegakure... When I had returned from scouting, I saw him sitting on my bed wearing one of my jackets... When he felt me watching him, he walked up to me and said, 'I've liked you ever since we met' which... was enough for me to hear before telling him to go back home, which he did after some more talking," Sasuke explained in a too-even tone, with no aplomb.

"What the fuck. You're lying." Naruto's voice was rough and low, and fuck if it didn't stir something in Sasuke to hear it. Even after all they had just done.

"I'm not." He really hadn't lied, after all. But then why did his voice sound so hollowed and pained? Wasn't a partial truth still a truth?

Naruto waited a bit, then sat down beside him.

"Just…Please," he exhaled, sadly, looking out the window, not meeting Sasuke's eyes.

Sasuke wondered what gave it away. Did Naruto know him so well that he could hear the lie in his voice? Or was it that he knew his son well enough to know that there was chance in hell that anyone could talk sense into him?

Sasuke stood up abruptly and put his hands on the other's shoulders, their positions suddenly flipped.

"…Fine. But that's why I was saying that he really _really_ looks like you these days, especially in the dark...I thought he was _you_ _and that you had transformed into how you looked right after the War when we-,"_ Sasuke was rambling in a way that Naruto had never heard before, and it made his heart race in anxiety, "That's why I-, you have to-, _this is going to sound fucked regardless of how I say it._ Fuck, okay, so when he asked me what I thought about him, I said I felt the same-,"

Naruto closed his eyes, and brought his hand up to his forehead in disbelief.

 _Was this real? Was this happening in his real life? Did Naruto's son fucking confess to Naruto's… Whatever the heck Sasuke was to him?_

"-That doesn't necessarily mean what you-" he blurted out in desperation.

"- _and then he kissed me, Naruto._ "

The two of them stared at each other in silence, until Naruto flat out punched Sasuke in the face, hard enough that he fell hard on the floor. He stayed down there looking up at Naruto, his lip split and bleeding. He didn't really want to get up, but Naruto pulled him to his feet anyways.

"Did you fuck him?" he asked in a tone that Sasuke had never heard before.

"No."

"Just tell the tr-"

" _I said, 'No!'_ I kissed him back, I'll admit to that. Sure, he really looks just like you used to, _God_ , but appearances aside, he is nothing like you… So I snapped out of it quickly, pushed him away, and told him to go home."

"And then?"

"...And then he went home."

Naruto's eyes burned, and in the low light, Sasuke couldn't tell if they were still blue anymore, but he felt the chakra leaking out of Naruto, and it was familiarly foreign. Maybe his eyes were red. Maybe Naruto would finally just kill him today; or they could kill each other like they promised as teenagers.

"That's why I've been saying I know that you're fucking lying because you and I can't fucking hide anything from each other anymore, though God knows we've tried, so _what happened then_?" Naruto screamed, leaning forward to ball his hands in Sasuke's cloak.

Sasuke wanted to yell too, but could only fall silent and look down at his feet. "He kissed me again, more, sloppy… He was hard, and he tried to rub one out by grinding against me, told me how he fingered himself to the thought of me… I pushed him away, repeatedly. But… you know how he is. All he's inherited from you are your looks, and what _used to be_ your persistence-"

Naruto barked out a laugh.

"-By the end, I just... restrained him."

" _Yeah_. I'll bet he liked that... And I'll bet you liked the visual too, huh?" Naruto started smiling a maniacal smile at his own comment, his eyes fully transformed into animalistic crimson slits.

Even though he had expected this, Sasuke found that he missed Naruto's blue. Not any blue. Not Boruto's blue. The blue of the sky in Sasuke's dreams.

Sasuke closed his eyes, subconsciously drifting there, and away from here. "I don't know how, but he knew everything... He told me that he knew you and I had been together, all those nights when everyone was too busy to trace our steps, when our missions lined up… and that he knew that the real reason I left Konoha under the guise of seeing the new world order was so that we could get over our feelings for each other, and pretend that Konoha was a village worth fighting for; so that I could be straight with Sakura and have kids and revive the Uchiha clan, and you could be Hokage and raise Uzumaki kids with Hinata… He fucking _knew_ that we were just playing at normal…"

Naruto let him go, and stepped away, as though Sasuke had punched him down too.

And maybe he had in the worst possible way.

But Sasuke continued, "He said that _you_ should have come after _me,_ _again_ _-_ like you hadn't already been doing that your whole life - and he said that _he_ could make me happy, like that's something either of us _know how to do…_ "

Naruto raised his hands to thread through his hair, "How did this happen… How the fuck did we let this happen," he repeated again and again until Sasuke stood up straight and yanked his real hand against his own chest.

"But Boruto can't do that because… _I_ don't know how to be happy; how to find what I want... At seventeen we were stronger than armies, but did any one take the time to teach us how to live? When we saw normal families with one mom and one dad and kids being happy all around us, and missed it-, and _wanted it,- was that so wrong_? It made sense… We thought it would make us happy, _normal..._ Reviving the Uchiha clan was supposed to make me happy and whole again, right? You wanted to be Hokage and have a family and be accepted, right? If we just created the things that we never had as kids growing up, we'd be satisfied, right?"

"Stop! Fucking stop! Why are you mocking me? Why are you mocking your own damn self?" Naruto had tears running down his face; angry ones, hot and blinked furiously away from red-rimmed eyes.

Sasuke was crying now too. He looked at Naruto; and subconsciously, moved closer until their faces were so close that he was breathing in Naruto's exhales.

"-So I chose that. We all did. Because we thought we had to. Because we thought it was right. Because we were too stupid to realize that for people like us, with a body count and a legacy, regular happiness wouldn't be happy at all... Now? I can't sit across from Sakura as she cooks some stupid fucking dinner that she prepared from her stupid fucking _normal_ family recipe book, can't talk to her about anything because _what on earth does she know_ about the life I have lived?... The things I've suffered? Her parents are both happy and alive and they meet to talk about fucking _movies_ and-, and how about Hinata? She's a literal fucking _princess_ _and she never even made_ _jounin_ _because that's how much she cares about being a ninja_ ; fuck, what comparable problems could she have possibly faced in her life to relate to _you_?... So I can't pretend that I'm happy, and neither can you... So this is what we do; I come for you when I can't function because I hate myself, but I'm still so in love with you, and your eyes, and your smile, and how you are a part of me that I let go to run into some useless woman's arms... And my mouth tastes like bile because I burn thinking about how I fucked up and how everyone else gets to see your smile; even if it is one that's half-fake - because you fake it so well as a happy Hokage - and you let me because you want me, just like I do, and you want to feel something other than the sea of guilt you drown yourself in, and feel alive again."

Naruto held his face in his hands, shoulders tight and unhappy as he sobbed, "It's too late; you're too late... "

Sasuke pulled back and turned around, walking towards the window, "Yeah, I know... And the real fucking joke? Even though Boruto claims that he is in love with me, he isn't…. He wants me because he thinks that I hold the key to your approval. But if the way that he looks at Mitsuki – God help that poor kid; he's got so many issues that he makes us look _functional -_ , and is looked at by Mitsuki in return is anything to go by, then _they_ are definitely already in love with each other…"

Naruto cried harder, and Sasuke wanted to hold him but he knew he didn't have the right. Fucking him? Maybe. Debatable. Loving him? As if. What right did he have?

Instead, Sasuke hopped onto the ledge and looked back, but his eyes were so puffed he could hardly get a good view.

"But in a few more years, Sarada and Boruto will probably get married on another clear fucking day because – truth and love be _damned –_ this Hellish cycle needs to continue… And Sarada will be happy, in the beginning, because she 'genuinely' likes Boruto; but eventually she'll realize that Boruto isn't happy with her – and then she'll be miserable! And who even knows what will become of Mitsuki?"

Naruto suddenly stopped crying, and in his surprise Sasuke did too; watched as Naruto closed his eyes and tilted his head to look at the Hokage cloak, still lying on the floor..

"How is it… that you and I are so powerful; and yet so disgustingly useless?" he asked in a quiet voice, as though the coat could answer him.

He looked to the left, out the window, but Sasuke was already gone and couldn't answer him either.

Just as well.

What answer could he possibly give him at this point?

What answer could _anyone_?

* * *

 **A/N:** _Thank you so much for reading until the end of this angst-ridden, heartbreaking story. I hope that it was provocative, and insightful, and all of the things that you want in a story like this!_

 _Or maybe it's not quite over. At least, it doesn't have to be?_

 _Let me explain; when I planned this story originally, I wanted it to end on the kind of note that we have ended on here. I wanted this story to be able to insert itself into the canon body of work as a painfully true, shadow-y exploration of both the Pro-Konoha narrative, and SNS after the events of Naruto Shippuden._

 _However, in the process of reading your comments, listening to your feedback._ _I really feel like i just can't end this here. They've been through so much, they deserve more, and I can give that to them, but not without putt_ _ing them through a little bit of a painful journey addressing all of the themes that I mentioned throughout this story, in a decidedly non-canon compliant way - which isn't something I included in the beginnine; so I understand if you're not here for that and want to enjoy the story with its original intention._

 _tldr; this story can be read as complete from chapters 1-8, but if you are looking for some resolution, it'll be coming in the form of some epilogue chapters soon._ _I am so grateful that I've been able to have so much of your kind support! Take care :)_


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